More Small Steps

I seem to have mostly gotten out of the pit. The mornings are still quite crummy, and one small outing a day on average (or a little bit less) is enough, but I can sit up reliably now and I’ve managed to do a little something outside the walls of the house each day for the past five days.

Wednesday, as mentioned, we went to the farmer’s market. Thursday, I got my hair cut (though my hairstylist, who can spot the degree of my functioning with great accuracy, took one look at me and said “Oh no.”). Friday, we drove down to my office for a meeting, which took a pretty good chunk out of me. Saturday, we went to the farmer’s market for a few minutes. Today, I didn’t go anywhere, but while Chimp was working on cleaning out the garage, I sat in a patio chair next to the car’s front bumper and cut and flattened boxes for a little while.

Though I’m going in the right direction, I’m not going there at the rate at which I’ve usually done so in the past. I’m just not regaining my strength and abilities at the same speed. It’s not from a lack of rest – I’ve been very good about getting enough sleep. I don’t know why my body is so tired, but it’s still calling on me to really limit my activity. I do not wish for it to punish me any more, so I am continuing to obey it.

It’s boring to do so. You can only read so much. I would much rather go out and take a run – today, being one of the rare temperate days of our summer, would have been ideal for it.

It is hard to be patient.

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